Be careful what you wish for

seems cliche, but how true it rings at this current moment and time.

QUEST TO KEEP THE CAR RUNNING

This has been an on going quest for the past 6 months give or take. If it's not the fuel system, it's the electrical issues, and more recently the heater core/thermostat/massive coolant loss w/possible blown head gasket that keeps me busy. Tis good times if i do say so myself.


QUEST TO KEEP THE JOB

Amidst the ever present automobile issues comes the daily stress of a commute that would choke a horse. It's mundane, and drawn out and most days i drive it without realizing i have done so. 30 minutes of checking the temp. guage and oil pressure. Songs 2-7 play on the CD and i have arrived. One more day of checking out boxes and damaged goods, one more day of trying to make it through the 7 boring hours i am there. 1 more day gone for pennies an hour it seems.


QUEST TO BE GRATEFUL

i have a roof over my head, though its a leaky one at that. i have food in my cupboards, and there is a nearly ever present smile on my child's face. The sun shines most days and i make it through unscathed, yet i want more. i went running today. my feet hitting the pavement, my thoughts racing as i try to clear my head and focus on the patterns of my breathing ... to no avail.

QUEST TO STOP WISHING

5 years now i have known him ... and since day 1, there has been something about the way he talks, acts, handles himself. something about him that has drawn me in. no matter what we may do in our lives, and no matter what the other chooses to say we always come back to this, but never quite this close to what i've wished for. i've wanted to not have to share him, to not wonder about who else he is seeing, or courting. i've wanted to be the girl he wants to be with, i have it now ..... but what do i do with it?1 it once again seems like it's come at a time that is out of sync with our lives. he heads 3000 miles west in a few weeks, and then heads 10000 miles east for a year or so. i just wonder ...... once again ..... how hard do you push for something? and what if ... yet again, you find yourself feeling like you need them more than they need you.

i fear this is a quest i shall never accomplish to my liking. i'm not even sure i would recognize the end of the quest should i get to it.


QUEST TO NOT BE THE 'OTHER' GIRL

i have been the other girl before .... it's not much fun. granted, if you enter the situation knowing you will be just that, and nothing more, its ok. but being told you're awesome ... and i know it's true. well, i know this person has told me the same things for about 3-4 yrs now .... and we've hung out once ... it was a mess, but we've talked massive amounts. so he gets ahold of you, out of the blue ... says he misses you, wants to hang out/catch up, etc. yet he has a girlfriend, who (like all guys) he claims is a bitch, and is nothing serious. THEN, you find out that you not only know his girlfriend, but you work with her ... and she already isnt fond of you. and THEN you find out that it's slightly more serious than 'not serious at all.'

Moral conflict. I have no interest in hanging out with him. But ..... when you get a message that says ..... i miss you, would you like to have dinner with me? and then see his g/f at work the next day ..... and she glares a hole in your forehead. do you assume she knows? or is she really just that bitchy of a person.

ahhh, the million dollar question to which i barely can add my 2cents.