.... just a small town girl ....

This is me .... just dropping in quick enough to give a speedy update as to what's been going on lately.

Acsha is doing awesome in school, everyday she brings home new art projects for me to display! Getting on and off the bus is getting easier and less traumatic which is good for Aunt TeTe. Also, other then bed time we are 100% potty trained!!!!!!!! i am SO freakin excited, she did it SO fast once she caught on. YAY US!

I started school a few weeks ago, and thus far it too is going well, A's in my classes, and other than feeling like i never have any time to breath for myself, i am enjoying it. feels really good to be doing it on my own, and working towards something that i've wanted to do for SO long.

Work is still going well, i actually really enjoy it and will be sad when this assignment is over and the company moves me to a new location. but, all good things must end and i look forward to my next raventure when the time comes.

Had a shit ton of errands to run today, which went VERY smoothly. i was waiting for something to happen, i mean we were dealing with family court, DMV and then the state dept. to get child care assistance, what are the chances that ALL 3 things would run so smoothly!?!? i am def. not complaining, its just strange thats all.

So this week has been an emotional sorta roller coaster for me. It started over the weekend, Becky and I went out, and i had an awesome-awesome time. ran into Aaron at the mall and then hooked up with Tony and some people in Albany later in the night. Helped Grammy clean her house on Sat ...... after getting 3 hrs of sleep at Tonys on Friday night ..... then Sunday i went to moms to print out the next chapters for my school work and spent all of Sunday reading, cleaning and doing homework. went to work on Monday like always ... came home had planned on doing some cleaning, starting to pack and then heading to bed a decent time, but things didnt work out like that and Tony decided last minute to come visit me .... he ended up getting lost and didnt get here until kinda late. so no sleep for me until about 1am.

I've spent the rest of this week trying to sort things out ... in my head, in my everyday life. I'm just so ...... i dunno. i cant say i am confused, or that i am sad, or worried, i suppose im not really sure what i am. for the time being i am just here .... just being. And until i get the prompt to do more than that ..... its enough. i def. have enough stuff going on to keep me busy until something more comes of it.

Blah ..... *sigh* you confuse me Mr.Graziano.


ok - off to pick Acsha up from the baby sitters as ... i took the day off to run early AM errands and then was supposed to have a 1:30 meeting with the teachers from her school, and it just HAD to fucking be done at my house, well here i am .... 2:30 and not a single fucking person has showed up .... or called.


OH! OH! OH! OH!
SO ... i decide that i want to get a Blackberry ... or the iphone ... either way i have to go through Cingular AT&T so i go on-line, try to sign up, they tell me i need to make a deposit, not a big deal, i've never had AT&T service, so i dont think any of it, most ppl. need a deposit .... esp when your credit is 1/2 assed like mine. so i stop into cingular on my way home this afternoon to get the exact deposit amount ... and you know what he tells me.

$750!!!!! i laughed at him ... seriously. i need to get a copy of my credit report b/c obviously there is some seriously innacurate on there. even he was amazed, and said he's never seen a deposit of that amount needed.

i mean ... thats like whoa ... a years worth of service paid up front, ON TOP of phone cost, activation crap yadda yadda. HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!

somebody has gone to town with my credit, and i am NOT impressed!

Nasty Midget Mutants

WHY DO I ALWAYS GET INVOLVED WITH THE EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE GUYS?

The guys who have mommy issues, or ex-wife issues. The guys who come with 7 suitcases, 3 back packs and 2 brown bags full of bullshit and drama. The guys who can barely take care of themselves .... reguardless of age!

SERIOUSLY?!?!

I am honestly beginning to think that I should just throw in the towel for awhile.

work. school. acsha and family.
focus on ME and MYSELF.
i need to do things ..... for me.
and if i meet people along the way that think they want to be a part of it all .... so be it.

but my plans change for no one!


the visit to philly was retarded.
Gian and i got along GREAT!
seeing gianna was fantastic!!!
being in Philly was as amazing as it ever is, and being able to show Acsha something that her mommy loves so much was very satisfying.

The trip down was total BS ... puking and other drama.
The hotel stay was decent i guess ... i got to take a bath.
The trip TO philly was ..... fucking retarded.
It was hard to enjoy myself when i was so annoyed with the person i went with.

The city was as beautiful as ever ... my desire to live there as great as it ever has been.

The trip back to the hotel ... complete headache.
The rest of the trip including the drive home ...... BLAH! fucking GRRRR!

the fight that happened when we reached my apt...... fantastic.
the emotional draining that happened ..... i dont need it.

i dont need any of the stress or worry.
its the very reason i got divorced.
i just dont have time for any of this right now, or ever for that matter.
its been mere months and already the constant drama-filled-emotional-banter has started.

its like buying a new and incredible vacuum that does ALL this insanely wonderful stuff. It's like the best vacuum in the world w/a coffee pot and tv attached. but one day you have to change the bag, you open the front and you realize that it's run by a bunch of nasty midget mutants. and even though you want to just replace the bag, close it up and continue to enjoy the worlds greatest vacuum, you cant because you now know what really makes it work.