9-29-08

I wanna ask you

Do you ever sit and wonder,

It's so strange

That we could be together for

So long, and never know,

never care

What goes on in the other one's head?

Things I've felt but I've never said

You said things that I never said

So I'll say something that I should have said long ago:

(You don't know me)

You don't know me at all

(You don't know me)

You don't know me at all

(at all)

You could have just propped me up on the table like a mannequin

Or a cardboard stand-up and paint me

(paint me anything)

Any face that you wanted me

To be seen.

We're Damned by the existential moment where

We saw the couple in the coma and

It was we were the cliché,

But we carried on anyway.

So, sure, I could just close my eyes.

Yeah, sure, trace and memorize,

But can you go back once you know

(You don't know me)

You don't know me at all

(You don't know me)

You don't know me at all

(at all)

(You don't know me)

You don't know me at all

(You don't know me)

You don't know me

If I'm the person that you think I am

(Ah ah ahh)

Clueless chump you seem to think I am

(Ah ah ahhh)

So easily led astray,

An errant dog who occasionally escapes and needs a shorter leash, then

Why the fuck would you want me back?!

Maybe it's because

(You don't know me at all)

Ahhh ahAhhh ah

(You don't know me,you don't know me.)

Ahhh ahAhhh ah

So, what I'm trying to say is

What (What?)

I'm trying to tell you

It's not gonna come out like I wanna say it cause I know you'll only change it.

(Say it.)

(You don't know me)

You don't know me at all

(You don't know me)

You don't know me at all

(at all)

(You don't know me)

You don't know me at all

(You don't know me)

You don't know me at all

(at all)

What?

(Mmmm, ohh oh)

Here i go again ...

... on my own.

i am really quite excited to get out of dodge.
it will be strange to not have acsha with my daily, but i vow to enjoy the 'break' and strive to do all i can to make our lives the best when she can come be with me.

i need this.
ready or not ....
Rutland here i come.

For better or worse?

As I await the arrival of the recruiters e-mail I think about what is to come. I wonder how I will do on the exam, and if all this worry and stress will prove to be beneficial in the end. I think of how I want to better myself, make a better life for my daughter and instantly I know this decision will do that. It may mean leaving people behind, losing friendships, starting over, but I am willing to do that for the end result.

My nerves are on edge lately. My stomach is in constant knots over the mass of uncertainty that encompasses my life lately. Mom is sicker than she is letting on, my uncle is back in the hospital for what we have been told will be the last time. We knew this day would come. I can not help but feel guilty over the fact that I am wondering how I will manage to fit a wake and funeral into my already crazy hectic life. I should be upset about death.

To be expected ...

This is something I have worked very hard for.
I'm proud of this.
You will not take this moment away from me.
I'm sorry you can not enjoy it with me.
So, we will do it without you.

Congratulations to me!

ugh

i did it again.

mysterious man of the evening came calling for his always second favorite girl, and she answered in rapid time, as always.

i'm insanely predictable.
gross.

you

you are trying my patience.