Tuesday, September 16, 2008

For better or worse?

As I await the arrival of the recruiters e-mail I think about what is to come. I wonder how I will do on the exam, and if all this worry and stress will prove to be beneficial in the end. I think of how I want to better myself, make a better life for my daughter and instantly I know this decision will do that. It may mean leaving people behind, losing friendships, starting over, but I am willing to do that for the end result.

My nerves are on edge lately. My stomach is in constant knots over the mass of uncertainty that encompasses my life lately. Mom is sicker than she is letting on, my uncle is back in the hospital for what we have been told will be the last time. We knew this day would come. I can not help but feel guilty over the fact that I am wondering how I will manage to fit a wake and funeral into my already crazy hectic life. I should be upset about death.

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